Area man accidentally voices opinion on Israel

On Sunday morning, local man Gavin O’Neil was rushed to the hospital to be treated for shock and trauma.

According to witnesses, O’Neil had been attending brunch with friends at Bacon & Kegs when the topic of Israel came up without warning.

O’Neil, taken by surprise, accidentally voiced his opinion about the Israel-Palestine conflict. O’Neil has no actual knowledge of the conflict and isn’t quite sure if he could identify Israel on a map.

After being released from the hospital, O’Neil answered questions from The Wire while wrapped in a trauma blanket.

“I don’t know what got into me,” O’Neil says. “We were talking about different types of small hats and all of a sudden I was making claims about a two-state solution. I don’t even know what ‘two-state solution’ means.”

Judie Schwartz, friend of O’Neil and a known Jew, never expected Gavin to be the one to make a stand on Israel.

“Gavin is usually a pretty smart guy,” says Schwartz. “But even I don’t talk about Israel…I have no idea what’s going on over there. It’s all so icky. I’m more of a drink-wine-on-Friday kind of Jew, not a talk-about-Israel kind of Jew.”

O’Neil, who plans to spend a month away from work in order to properly recover, says that he truly regrets opening his massive trap.

On Monday, a city-wide protest against O’Neil broke out in Walla Walla, attracting 15,000 people to O’Neil’s home.

Signs at the protest included, “Gavin O’Neil Israeli stupid,” “Brunch is for day drinking, not politics,” and “This gives me ulcers, let’s change the subject.” When approached by reporters about what exactly was wrong with O’Neil’s comments, several protesters abruptly fainted.

Paramedics rushed to the scene and found that protesters who had fainted regained consciousness as they got farther away from reporters.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s