Dear Diary

Stairs offer an interesting dilemma to every cool person to have ever lived.

By nature, cool people are very cool. They do things better than us. They don’t fart, they wear boots without looking like they’re doing a shitty Indiana Jones cosplay, and they can suck on a lollipop without looking like a child.

But I think cool people have yet to master stairs. Don’t get me wrong, though. They can descend the hell out of a flight of stairs.

They’ve got the agonizingly slow, one-step-per-minute style, and the upbeat saunter down the stairs. But I’ve never once seen anyone look cool walking up a flight of stairs.

There’s something about hunching over and clawing your way up some stairs, only to reach the top winded and dizzy that just can’t be made cool.

Think about it. When was the last time a movie/TV show/music video showed a cool-as-ice character entering a scene walking upstairs? When was the last time James Bond went to seduce another evil woman and entered the room by walking up stairs?*

The truly cool never walk up stairs, only down.


*Please, James, do what’s best for everyone and just get yourself screened for STI’s.