Three weeks ago, Kevin Nance was a normal shmuck seeing a therapist every week to work through his problems. Like an idiot, for months Nance was paying for local therapist Terry Jones’ expertise backed by Jones’ PhD in counseling psychology.
One day, while shelling out cash following a therapy session, Nance came to a brilliant decision.
After paying for the session, Nance informed Jones that he would no longer be needing therapy. Nance’s revelation stunned Jones.
“I was shocked that Kevin wanted to halt his therapy,” says Jones. “I mean, sure, he was making progress, but the guy is an emotional mess. He needs serious professional attention.”
After quitting therapy, Nance immediately changed his Tinder bio to “Just a dreamer looking for love. Big heart, bigger wiener,” in the hope of attracting a girlfriend.
Nance’s new Tinder bio attracted several suitors prepared to commit to Nance’s chiseled features and sterile personality.
Nance began dating his new girlfriend Tiana nine days after severing ties with his therapist.
“Tiana couldn’t have come into my life at a better time,” says Nance. “I was starting to feel the emotional burden of being out of therapy, but once I met Tiana I could tell that she will be the perfect woman to replace my therapist.”
“Tiana listens so well and is so in touch with her emotions,” says Nance. “Plus, I only have to put up with a couple dates per week in exchange for throwing gobs of my emotional feces at her so she can solve my problems for me.”
Nance claims that he does occasionally feel bad for having left his therapist in the dust.
“Sure, I feel bad for ditching Mr. Jones, but it wasn’t him, it was me,” says Nance. “Getting a girlfriend is so much cheaper than getting a therapist. It was nothing personal, just strict dollars and cents.”